


A Little Death

by Princex_N



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Body Image, Canon Gay Relationship, Conversations, Cuddling & Snuggling, Developing Relationship, First Dates, Fluff, Happy Ending, Insecurity, Light Angst, Literal Sleeping Together, M/M, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Self-Esteem Issues, Touching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-03
Updated: 2016-12-04
Packaged: 2018-09-06 03:15:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8732653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Princex_N/pseuds/Princex_N
Summary: Kravitz has never thought much about the feeling of his skin, until he met Taako.Taako doesn't know why his boyfriend refuses to touch him, but he's starting to get a little tired of it.





	1. Hesitance

**Author's Note:**

> the title for this fic is from The Neighborhood's ["A Little Death"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHeN3RXvCxg), which came up on my writing playlist and felt vaguely fitting

"Oh boy howdy, that is a clammy one," Taako says, but doesn't pull his hands away. Kravitz tries not to flinch, or blush. 

He's never really thought much about his hands, or any other part of his body. He'd died; it makes sense that he would feel cold. He's never been bothered by it, but now it bothers him that it might bother someone else. 

Specifically, that it might bother Taako. 

Kravitz tries to stay focused on the conversation at hand, because they're talking about important things and Kravitz can't afford to be wasting his attention on things like this. And by the end of hte night, as much as he's enjoying himself, he's a bit relieved to be interrupted. 

"There's something here," he tries to explain. 

Taako nods eagerly, "I feel it too!" 

Fuck. That's adorable, and reassuring, but also not at all what he'd meant. Kravitz knows that he could easily spend the rest of his night here, with Taako, if he'd let himself. But he doesn't. 

He excuses himself quickly, but hopes quietly that they'll be able to meet again soon. 

-

The thought haunts him long after the date(?) has ended. 

Kravitz doesn't exactly have a  _life_ outside of work, so he spends more time thinking about it than he would like to admit. 

 _Is_ he unpleasant to touch? He doesn't know how cold his skin actually is, but he knows that it can't be close to a normal living body temperature. 

It's awful. This has never bothered him before -it's just how he works now- but now he can't stop thinking about it all. 

Because, goddess forbid, Kravitz actually rather likes Taako. He wants Taako to like him too. 

He can't help but feel like he's ruining his own chances by just existing as his present self. 

Is it even possible for someone _that_ alive to enjoy the presence of someone like Kravitz?

He doesn't know, but he's not going to give up before he's given himself a chance to find out. 

If him touching Taako would be a problem, then all he has to do is avoid touching him. That makes sense, right?

Right. 

-

Kravitz shows up on the moon base the next time Taako calls and hopes he doesn't appear too desperate. 

He doesn't remove his gloves when he arrives.

Taako doesn't comment on them, despite the fact that dinner is not the most conventional glove-wearing time. 

Instead, he talks about the recent adventure he'd been a part of ("we didn't die even once this time!"), and touches Kravitz more liberally than he had previously. Nudging Kravtiz's legs under the table, touching Kravitz's arm while he talks, holding his hand as Kravitz walks him back to his room. 

Kravitz can't pin down why. Is it because this was more explicitly a date? Or because of the gloves? 

He doesn't know, but he isn't about to ask. Instead, he just decides to count it as a success. As long as Kravitz wears the gloves with his suit, he doesn't have to worry. Taako won't mind touching him, and he might actually have a shot. 

-

The gloves work, but gods, Kravitz _hates_ them.

He hates wearing them around Taako. The layer of separation between them; it's deplorable. 

He keeps reminding himself that it isn't about him, that they're for Taako, the one with properly functioning sensory processing who can feel the unnatural clamminess of Kravitz's skin. 

But as Kravitz sits on the couch with Taako's head in his lap, he wants nothing more than to take them off. 

He _wants_ to be able to feel Taako's hair when he runs his fingers through it; _wants_ to feel the warmth of his cheek when he touches him. 

But he thinks about the coolness of his skin causing Taako to recoil in discomfort, and he restrains himself. 

But oh, he wants, he wants, he wants. 

 _'It isn't about you,'_ he reminds himself forcefully, and tells Taako "Nothing" when the elf asks what's wrong. 

-

When Taako finally asks Kravitz to spend the night, Kravitz goes into a bit of a tail spin. 

For one thing, Kravitz has never had a relationship progress this far (not even while he was alive). For another, Kravitz isn't even sure if he can remember how to sleep. 

And also, he can't figure out a way to justify wearing gloves to bed. 

Taako lends him long sleeves and pants to wear, which helps, but Kravitz just cannot stop thinking about his hands. 

In the bed, Taako keeps his distance a bit, and Kravitz supposes that this is as good as it's going to get. 

But with the space between them, Kravitz thinks that he might hate his physical form for the first time since regaining it. 

The sleeping is its own thing. The first few times they try this, Kravitz can't puzzle it out. But being able to be this close, to speak in hushed whispers or simply bask in his presence, makes it not so bad.

He works it out in the middle of the night one night, and finds that waking up next to Taako is so nice it makes his chest hurt. 

That never stops being incredible. 

But not being able to touch him never stops being disappointing. 


	2. the spaces between my fingers are right where yours fit perfectly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title of this chapter comes from Owl City's [Vanilla Twilight](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pIz2K3ArrWk)!

Taako is more than capable of respecting people's boundaries. 

It's just that he's kind of getting tired of  _having_ to. 

He and Kravitz have been dating for like,  _months_ now, and the reaper still won't let Taako fucking touch him. 

And Taako  _gets_ it; it takes him a while to warm up to people too. But, it's been a long while, and it's kind of really starting to suck. 

Still, he tries to respect it. He doesn't comment on all the layers, or the gloves; he only lends Kravitz long clothes; he pays attention and doesn't try to push for anything the man won't say is okay, but come  _on_. 

He's getting kind of tired of trying to maintain all this fucking space between them in bed. 

(Taako cannot for the life of him figure out how Kravitz was comfortable getting into bed with him before he was comfortable allowing actual skin contact, but it isn't his place to judge (despite the fact that he kind of is))

But, despite the fact that Kravitz eventually made a habit of sleeping when he stays over, Taako still stays awake more often than not. 

If he's being honest, he hadn't actually expected Kravitz to be able to sleep at all. The invitation had really just been to try and incite some kind of physical intimacy, or to get Kravitz to finally lay down some explicit boundaries. 

Neither of those things had actually happened, which is honestly just Taako's luck. 

It figures that he's finally found a guy that he actually likes and is comfortable around, only for it to be a guy who doesn't want to touch him even a little. 

Taako would have started to wonder if there was something wrong with him; if he wasn't above insecurities like that. 

But the fact of the matter is that most of the time, Kravitz sleeps and Taako doesn't, and sometimes Taako takes advantage of that. 

It's nothing  _bad_ , or horribly invasive; it's just that sometimes Taako wants to be able to look at his boyfriend without having to worry about how close he can get before Kravitz flinches away. 

Taako's not quite  _unhappy_ in the relationship -everything besides this is going great- it's just that he could stand to be a little happier. 

He's willing to wait it out, but he's not sure how long he'll be waiting for, and it's the not knowing that bothers him more than anything. 

So yeah, sometimes Taako takes advantage of nights like these. 

Mostly he just looks, because watching Kravitz sleep is like looking at an entirely different side of him that Taako doesn't see much elsewhere. Instead of the cool and collected "head up, shoulders back, back straight" poise that Kravitz usually maintains, when he sleeps Kravitz curls in on himself; head ducked and limbs tucked in and he looks so gentle and soft that sometimes Taako can't help but touch. 

Small touches; playing with Kravitz's dreadlocks idly, or brushing his fingers against Kravitz's cool cheek and wondering how a guy like this managed to fall for a mess like Taako. 

Kravitz sighs quietly, and presses his cheek into Taako's hand, and Taako melts in the moment before Kravitz opens his eyes. 

They make eye contact, and the second the reaper realizes what's going on, he flinches back away from Taako and says, inexplicably, "Sorry." 

Taako manages to keep himself from sighing in disappointment, but he can't stop himself from sitting up and asking, "Why don't you want me to touch you?" 

It's rude, probably, and Taako knows that he himself would probably get moderately pissed if someone asked this of him, but he can't  _not know_ any longer. 

But Kravitz doesn't look upset, he looks confused as he sits up to mirror Taako's position. "What- do you mean?" 

The self control that Taako is expending to keep from rolling his eyes is honestly commendable. He deserves a fucking award. "Like, it's chill if you don't like to be touched or something, but  _fuck_ , can't we at least talk about this?" 

Then he pauses, and he's  _above this_ , but "Or, do you just not like touching  _me_?"

He manages to keep his tone at a moderately stern tone, instead of the weak whisper that the words want to be. This is ridiculous enough on its own, Taako doesn't need his fucking  _feelings_ ruining things. 

(But, he would maybe get it. Kravitz is tall and lithe, and Taako is short and  _not_. Kravitz doesn't seem like the type to care about that, but Taako's got enough experience with them to be kind of used to it; shitty as it is) 

"Of  _course_ I want to touch you," Kravitz says, looking equal parts devastated and bewildered. The way he speaks makes it sound like he could never imagine  _not_ wanting to touch Taako, and Taako doesn't fucking  _get_ it. "It's me, I'm- cold, clammy... dead. Why? Why would you want  _me_ to touch  _you_?" 

Taako cannot believe that this is his life. "That doesn't bother me?!" It probably would have bothered him, but he's not about to say that. "I've touched colder things than  _you._  Fuck." He buries his face in his hands, "I can't believe we've been doing this for  _months_ already." 

Kravitz still hasn't managed to wipe the shell shocked confusion off of his face by the time Taako looks up again. 

He sighs, " _Can_ I touch you?" he asks, just to check. 

"I- yes," Kravitz stammers. 

So Taako gets him to lay back down, and then moves himself closer, so that they're pressed together. He won't lie, it's kind of chilly and a little unusual, but it's a better temperature than Magnus' fucking broiling cuddling, so not the worst experience that Taako's had. 

He finally get situated only to realize that Kravitz is still stiff as a fucking board. He looks up to see the man looking down at him with anxiety written all over his features. 

"What?" 

"Are you sure-?"

"Darling, look," Taako is a little bit over this whole thing, especially this conversation. "Do I seem like the type to let myself be uncomfortable for other people?" 

He gives Kravitz a significant look, and the reaper's face softens. "No," he says, and Taako nods. 

"There you go, now go the fuck back to sleep." 

Kravitz finally relaxes, and Taako barely has time to think  _'thank god'_ before one of Kravitz's hands comes up to touch his cheek almost reverently. 

"I've been wanting to do this for a while," he says, voice soft. 

Taako leans into the touch just because he can. "It's your own fault it took so long," he says, and then promptly buries his face into Kravitz's chest and tries to force himself asleep so he doesn't have to ruminate on how stupidly happy he is. 

* * *

In the morning, Taako wakes up to the feeling of Kravitz's fingers running through his hair. 

Kravitz still seems quietly surprised that Taako is letting himself be touched, so Taako makes a point of touching him as they get ready, and presses a kiss against his cheek before he leaves for work.

Because Taako's been missing out, and he's got work to do in order to make up for all the wasted time. 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm kind of a big fan of "secretly a kind of insecure dork" Kravitz, and I used some of my own feelings about my hands (I have a condition called Hyperhidrosis) to help me write this. The second chapter is my favorite though, best for last right?  
> [my tumblr](http://www.princex-n.tumblr.com)


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